Tuesday Corner | Bizuum Yadok

Tuesday Corner | Bizuum Yadok


Sir Kashim Ibrahim House witnessed a meeting of oligarchic and accidental Northern Governors last week in Kaduna. Also in attendance, perhaps for observation and endorsement, were religious and traditional leaders. The meeting was premised on the dissatisfaction of their citizens revealed through the #EndSars movement. For a fact, there is a large dose of bad governance in Nigeria, which they reluctantly admitted but failed to mention in communique after the meeting. But, no, they were not looking at that direction where your finger pokes your forehead.

Among other issues agreed upon in the meeting is the bridling of social media in Nigeria, but there were other matters too; like securing the sanctity of the nation’s capital, encouraging FG to end its impasse with ASSU (sic) and the disbandment of SARS, which they thought would have quelled the rage of the protesters. Yes, in a tiny paragraph, they talked about the new trademark of the North – insecurity. Within the same tiny space they managed to lump it up with the almajiri challenge. From an article credited to Gimba Kakanda in Daily Trust Newspaper of yesterday (9/11/20), about 1,126 people are said have been killed and 380 kidnapped between January to July of 2020 alone. I am sure that by now close to 25% of each figure can be added to them respectively. But you see, social media is a bigger menace. It is what Boko Haram and armed bandits use to coordinate attacks. Social media is what almajiris use to assail people on the streets.

In fact, it is the main reason why 17 out the 19 northern states fall among the 20 poorest states in Nigeria and that’s why it must be gagged. Barely two days ago, the southwest leaders plus Tinubu-loyalist Governors met and also agreed that social media must be treated the way Lekki protesters were treated. Oh, by the way, the Nigerian Army has finally admitted that it was involved in the Lekki assault (I am trying no to say, ‘massacre’) but that it only used rubber bullets. Well, I hope Agent Fash’s stealthy camera captured the rubber bullets as they were being fired because none of the protesters showed rubber bullets. Meanwhile, the government should consider un-freezing accounts of #EndSars protesters in Lagos.

A court in United Arab Emirates has convicted 6 Nigerians for wiring $782,000 to Boko Haram. It’s been more than 10 years now since Boko Haram has been terrorizing the north but I can only remember lingering cases and not convictions. People like Kabiru Sokoto, the mastermind of Madallah Christmas bombing are still alive not to talk of financiers and abettors based in Nigeria. We are not even talking about amnesty of Boko Haram terrorists. Lest I forget, ‘this is Nigeria . .. ‘

U.S elections have come and gone. I don’t need to say more about it because Nigerian enthusiasts of U.S elections have done that for us already. If there is any consolation for Nigerians pertaining the elections, it is the allegation of rigging in US elections, which resonates with ours.

If only Trump had consulted Buhari, Derby or Paul Biya before the elections, he would have been declared winner by now but his arrogance would not permit him. Biya of Cameroon is now the official congratulatory voice of Africans having congratulated 7 U.S Presidents while being President in Cameroon. Daalu! For Nigerians wey dey drink panadol for US headache, abeg issokay, off ya mic! The truth is that we don’t mean much to USA as we think they mean to us. Let’s focus on our systems and try to get it right. Let is also be known that Apostle Johnson Suleiman has prophesied that Biden will be impeached before his tenure elapses. Toh! Let’s keep track of the prophecy and hope for the first black woman (with, likely, Nigerian DNA according to Obasanjo) to become the President of USA. I just hope it is not another “Woolman” prophecy.

Let’s give it up to Kano’s moral police, the Hisbah for disallowing acts of impiousness in the state. They have been shaving unkempt hairs of young lads, arresting indecently dressed girls and guys, and even impounding Kekes with photos of Indian models. Most recently, they destroyed crates and bottles of beer worth 200 million naira. At the event, the man who represented Governor Gandollah praised them for their acts of bravery and promised them a raise in salaries and new uniforms. Touché! Now I have only three questions: 1. Have they finished with the abuse of marijuana, codeine and tramadol that they are clamping down on alcohol consumption (not abuse)? 2. Was there any compensation for the marketer whose goods were destroyed? 3. Is there anyway they can refuse to collect their share of the 7.5% Value added tax which accrues from sales of alcohol and cigarettes? This is the kind of overzealousness that nearly crushed my Rahama Sadau for indecent dressing while Ali Nuhu, Sani Danja and the like enjoy the freedom of rubbing curves in front of the camera. In any case, Kano should now be the Mecca of Nigeria and if one can’t make it to the Middle-East, Kano should be the next destination.

See you next week!


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